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Rules for Single Women

1. Don't Chase Anyone

"Guys are like subway trains. Don't run after them; another one is on its way." —canuck, on

2. Don't Waste Your Time

"If he says he isn't ready for a relationship, believe him." —Kerri Otto, 32, Traverse City, Mich.

3. Long-Term Litmus Test

"Marry someone you want to sit next to for the rest of your life." —Megan Smollins, 26, Astoria, N.Y.

4. Heed Your Grandparents

"My grandfather had some gems: 'Don't be with a stupid man just to be with any man.' 'A real man always takes care of his family.' 'You don't want to be walked over, and you don't want a man you can walk over, either.'

And my favorite: 'Don't be a fool, Michelle. You can be anything you want, but don't be a fool.'" —Michelle Porter, 28, Charlotte, N.C.

5. The Necessity of Laughter

"Don't trust anyone who doesn't laugh." —Maya Angelou

6. Go Geeky

"The guys who were nerdy in high school make the best husbands." —Jennifer Goldstein, 31, Brooklyn

7. Love Yourself

"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance." —Oscar Wilde

8. Kindness Counts

"You can tell a lot about a guy by how he treats your cab driver." —Alanna Sobel, 25, Washington, D.C.

9. No Games

"If he likes you, you'll know. If he doesn't, you'll be 'confused.'" —sayitloud, on

10. Believe In Your Worth

"Respect yourself. I said to my ex, 'I'm not going to make you my everything if I'm only your something.'" —Alyssa Stabile, 19, Boston

11. Try a Nice Guy

"I used to be into bad boys but kept getting burned. Then I heard this: 'Say no to the guys you usually say yes to, and yes to the ones you normally say no to.'

I did, and it totally worked. I have a great husband now." —Laura Knudsen, 27, Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island

12. Avoid Loners

"Never marry a man who has no friends." —Father Pat Connor, 79-year-old Catholic priest, as quoted by Maureen Dowd in her New York Times column

13. Just Say No to Ink

"Never tattoo a guy's name on your body!" —Rebekah Rankin, 27, Scottsdale, Ariz

14. Hygiene Is Non-Negotiable

"Personal hygiene is part of the package." —Jim Carrey

15. Be Yourself

"It's OK to show up at a guy's house with a dozen roses and declare your undying affection. It's OK to have too much to drink and call your ex 20 times and then to be mortally embarrassed when you realize your number must have shown up on his caller ID. It's OK, because making a fool of yourself for love is ultimately about you, how much you have to give and the distances you will travel to keep your heart wide open when everything around you makes you feel like slamming it shut and soldering it closed." —Veronica Chambers.

■If you think all men are pigs, expect to live alone when you get older.
■Prince Charming is gay
■Rich, attractive, nice – you can only pick two when dealing with single men.
■If you ask a man on a first date how much he earns or what kind of car he drives, he gets to look at your bare breasts while you are still in the restaurant.
■If you answer your cell phone during a first date, he has the right to immediately get up and leave with no explanation.
■Choosy and “stuck up” are closely related.
■If you expect a man to pay for everything, you’ll need a strong jaw and a good tongue.
■Perfect men don’t exist. Good men are everywhere.
■The karmic retribution for putting good men into the FriendZone while getting hurt by bad boys is to become bitter, angry, and the owner of at least three cats.
■You are not a princess no matter what your T-Shirt states. If you really think you are a princess, then you’d better have the body of a stripper, the face of an angel, and the personality of a saint. Even so, only Prince Charming can marry a princess and Prince Charming is gay.
■Your single girlfriends don’t want you to have a happy relationship with a man, that’s why they’re single and always telling you to “never settle”. Consider this when listening to their advice.
■A man won’t say “I love you” until he is 100% confident that you won’t use this against him. This might take years, be patient because men can be sensitive, too.
■Taking the time to look your best is not optional. After all, if you can catch his eye then you can catch his heart. Being agreeable, pleasant, and happy will seal the deal.
■Smiles and laughter are contagious and can melt any man’s heart.
■The unintended consequence of independence is loneliness.
■Excessive complaining is neither attractive nor polite.
■You are entitled to nothing. However, you can expect rewards for working hard for something.
■Before you say “it’s all his fault” after a bad date, look closely in the mirror.
■It’s not always men making you unhappy. Don’t let bitter women convince you of that.
■Being strong doesn’t mean being bitchy. Wise women have known this for generations.
■You can’t have it all. Please have the good sense to realize this.
■Compromise is not surrender, it’s what is necessary to have a good relationship.
■Don’t expect men to fall all over you just because you are a woman. Men have learned Game.
■There’s nothing wrong with looking feminine. Men like it.
■If he doesn’t call you back, it means he’s just not really into you. Deal with it.
■If you meet a man, don’t find reasons to reject him or things to change in him. Find reasons to accept him and respect him.
■The common word in “drink whore” and “dinner whore” is still whore.
■Sorry girl, it’s not all about you so you can change your T-Shirt now and grow up.
■Many men would rather chase women, not girls, so grow up if you don’t want to be single anymore.
■Given the current state of divorce laws, don’t expect any man to marry you. It’s not you, it’s just how things are right now.

■Hanging around gay men won’t give you any useful insights about straight men. Frankly, always hanging around gay men is kind of creepy. Um, they think it’s kind of creepy, too.
■No fat chicks” is the man’s version of “If you’re rich, I’m single”.
■Winning a man is easy, keeping a man requires hard work.
■Advertising “Bitch” on your T-Shirt or sweatpants won’t get you any dates. No man cares for that attitude.
■Deferring self-gratification is a sign of maturity. You can wait until dinner even if you’re hungry now.
■The real world is pushy, rude, and often unpleasant. That doesn’t mean you have to be the same way.
■If you dress like a whore, expect to be treated like a whore.
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